Self-Knowledge Question #35: Behavioral Advice and What to Do With It

[ng_moonmoth]

Initial post on what I'm doing here.

35. Do you rely on others to tell you what to do or how to act? If so, how can you remove this expectation and act based on your own beliefs?

Seems like there are a lot of people in the world who enjoy sharing their opinions of what to do or how to act. There are often some nuggets of truth in what they say. But there's often also a strong flavor of "Do this or act like this so you won't cause me problems I'd rather not deal with." Sorting out the truth from the trash is something that requires a lot of effort for me, and I tend to push back on suggestions that I alter my behavior in ways I feel don't align with my identity. I've had enough of that already, thanks.

Comments

[curiosity]

This is an interesting question because it has a lot of potential layers to it. Of course the hope is that by the time one has survived to adulthood, one should have a reasonably oriented moral and social compass. A basic working knowledge of society as a whole and one's own self and goals in particular, as it were.

But that implies being raised properly; y'know, with love and care and socialization and interaction and all that. If someone's been raised by rabid wildebeests, that's problematic and maybe having someone trusted help with the whole compass-orienting thing isn't a bad idea so long as boundaries are maintained.

And the whole thing is a process of evolution no matter how it's sliced. We're constantly learning and growing and experiencing new situations that shape and re-shape our worldview and self-view. It's okay to rely on others for help from time to time and sometimes acting on our own beliefs would lead to a lot of overtime for local HAZMAT teams.

[ng_moonmoth]

>> This is an interesting question because it has a lot of potential layers to it. Of course the hope is that by the time one has survived to adulthood, one should have a reasonably oriented moral and social compass. A basic working knowledge of society as a whole and one's own self and goals in particular, as it were. <<

Yes, that's a good starting point. Knowing yourself and where you stand in the culture you inhabit, and being able to understand how your actions affect that standing, is a really good idea.

>> But that implies being raised properly; y'know, with love and care and socialization and interaction and all that. If someone's been raised by rabid wildebeests, that's problematic and maybe having someone trusted help with the whole compass-orienting thing isn't a bad idea so long as boundaries are maintained. <<

Indeed. Nevertheless, cultural walled gardens are still problematic, even though the people doing the indoctrination in some of them believe they are loving and caring and teaching socialization and interaction (I had one like that). And yeah, some of them are inhabited by rabid wildebeests who won't be happy unless everyone is a rabid wildebeest, and are frantically raising and brainwashing their young toward that end.

>> And the whole thing is a process of evolution no matter how it's sliced. We're constantly learning and growing and experiencing new situations that shape and re-shape our worldview and self-view. It's okay to rely on others for help from time to time and sometimes acting on our own beliefs would lead to a lot of overtime for local HAZMAT teams. <<

The main problem I hit with this question was "tell". When one is young, one doesn't have the attention span to sort out a lot of things about behavior, so it's reasonable to tell them "do this/don't do that, people will think you're a good kid, and people will think I'm a good parent, and you can find out more later" -- which sure beats the heck out of "do this/don't do this or I'll thrash you!" My usual approach to someone who tries to tell me how to act or behave is to ask, "So what if I don't?" If they can't, or won't, explain that, that ends the discussion right there. If they can, and will, then I can make an informed choice about my behavior that aligns with the relationship I would like to have with the person or the community they are representing.