Where I've Been

[ng_moonmoth]

So far, I haven't been doing any significant posting here; just a few shout-outs to some creative people I have been engaging with. Metaphorically, I was standing at the boundary of familiar territory, feeling I was ready to start on a tentative journey to an unknown destination. I learned a lot about myself as I began to explore, but didn't feel as though I understood what I had learned well enough to write about it sensibly – so I remained silent.

There's nothing like deciding one's gender variance cannot be suppressed any longer to make someone realize they need to take a good, hard look at gender studies. Much of what I found pointed out that gender-normative people have a lot less need to examine about gender, being content with theirs. Although I had examined my normative gender, I had been focusing on its poor fit for me and my discomfort in remaining within its constraints. For me to move beyond being thought of as gender-normative, I would need to understand where I was going and what I was doing well enough to explain it.

Personally, I much prefer to have some grasp of theory to provide a context for me to gain understanding and knowledge. Starting there, adding in many of the increasing number of experiences of gender-variant people that can be found online, measuring myself and my feelings, and placing all that in context, I now feel I can talk sensibly about what I have found out about myself.

Part of what I feel I must do to claim my gender variance is interacting with others. This blog is intended to be an early step in that direction. Now that I've discovered my voice, it's time for me to start speaking up. What you think about what I'm writing as I send out what the past several months have taught me will be very valuable to me as I improve my sense of who I am, and how I can talk with others about it. I'd love to hear what you think.

Comments

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

Yes, people who fit the standard models are less likely to examine them closely. People who don't fit are more likely to wonder why and look for the pokey bits.

I'm glad that you are exploring your identity! It can be a very satisfying adventure.