Where I've Been

[ng_moonmoth]

So far, I haven't been doing any significant posting here; just a few shout-outs to some creative people I have been engaging with. Metaphorically, I was standing at the boundary of familiar territory, feeling I was ready to start on a tentative journey to an unknown destination. I learned a lot about myself as I began to explore, but didn't feel as though I understood what I had learned well enough to write about it sensibly – so I remained silent.

There's nothing like deciding one's gender variance cannot be suppressed any longer to make someone realize they need to take a good, hard look at gender studies. Much of what I found pointed out that gender-normative people have a lot less need to examine about gender, being content with theirs. Although I had examined my normative gender, I had been focusing on its poor fit for me and my discomfort in remaining within its constraints. For me to move beyond being thought of as gender-normative, I would need to understand where I was going and what I was doing well enough to explain it.

Personally, I much prefer to have some grasp of theory to provide a context for me to gain understanding and knowledge. Starting there, adding in many of the increasing number of experiences of gender-variant people that can be found online, measuring myself and my feelings, and placing all that in context, I now feel I can talk sensibly about what I have found out about myself.

Part of what I feel I must do to claim my gender variance is interacting with others. This blog is intended to be an early step in that direction. Now that I've discovered my voice, it's time for me to start speaking up. What you think about what I'm writing as I send out what the past several months have taught me will be very valuable to me as I improve my sense of who I am, and how I can talk with others about it. I'd love to hear what you think.

Comments

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

For the moment, I think that I wish you as fair a voyage of discovery as can be, and safe harbour in a place of comfort eventually.Or, alternatively, a continuing voyage that satisfies.

[ng_moonmoth]

Thank you for the kind words and encouragement.

I must admit, though, that "voyage of discovery" doesn't quite describe how I feel about what I'm starting. Thinking about what a map from the gender narrative I am experiencing to the Manifest Destiny narrative as told to the vast majority of US grade schoolers would look like: I have heard the tales of the great explorers on their Voyages Of Discovery; the pioneers have gone out to the lands those tales describe, found good places to settle, and sent word back; and the settlers are starting to head out and join them. I have found that there is a place where people like me are building a community, and I intend to join them. I will face challenges on the trip; when I reach my intended community, there will be more challenges, and constraints will inevitably appear as the community defines and builds its culture; but facing those challenges and constraints will be much more to my taste than the ones I constantly face now and chafe under. I'm ready to go.

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

It's good to have some idea where you're going-- that there's a there, there, and community!

I hope for traveler tales. :)

[ng_moonmoth]

>> I hope for traveler tales. :) <<

And I intend to share them. That's one part of what this blog is for.

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

Hurrah!