Ganked from meepettermu

[ng_moonmoth]

who posted this last week, motivated by Tuesday's being Transgender Day of Visibility.

Ask me a question. Anything you're curious about? Anything you don't understand but want to? There's one question on the list I feel strongly enough about to give you the answer for free; I think I'm comfortable answering all the others. Pick a number and comment or send a private message. If you'd like to ask me something not listed, I might not be able to answer but I won't be offended you asked.

I'm not engaging in gender critical discussions on feminism, transphobia, or hate, because ain't nobody got time for sadness.

I want to help people understand trans people better.

1. Has being trans been an obstacle in your life with friends, family, work, etc?
2. How long have you known?
3. What are your pronouns?
4. How did you pick your name?
5. What's your favorite dinosaur?
6. Why would you want to be a guy/girl?
7. What does AMAB or AFAB mean?
8. What do you feel like you missed out on most in your childhood (if you transitioned later)
9. What has been your favorite part of transitioning so far?
10. What worries you most as a trans person?
11. Does your family accept you?
12. How has transitioning changed your life?
13. What has surprised you most about transitioning?
14. What would have made it easier for you to come out?
15. What has been the hardest part of your transition so far?
16. How do you know you're trans?
17. How does it feel to transition?
18. How did you tell your family, friends, work, etc., tha?
19. Are you fully transitioned?
20. What's the hardest part of your experience as a trans person?
21. Why not just be a "feminine guy"/"masculine woman"?
22. How do you think your life would be different if you could have transitioned younger?
23. What is the best part about being trans?
24. Have you had any surgeries? Are you going to?

Please don't ask this of any trans person. Or anyone you suspect might be a trans person. It's only slightly less offensive than asking what's in their pants. (That one I'll actually tell you:. Right now I'm not wearing pants, so, "air". When I am wearing pants, the answer is "my legs, my crotch, and my torso up to my waist.") Not quite in the same league as asking what their crotch looks like. (I've got two answers for that one. If the asker doesn't strike me as the kind of person who can take a hint as to how out of line that question is, they'll get the cold and clinical "You aren't a doctor I have decided to have care for that part of my body, and we aren't having or planning sex with each other. And you just took yourself out of consideration for either role by that question." Someone who looks like they might actually get a clue may get "I'll show you mine if you show me yours.")

25. How can I make things better for you?
26. What are you most excited about in your transition?
27. What's non-binary?
28. What do you wish you could tell younger you, as a trans person?
29. What are you most excited for in your transition?
30. I want to ask another question / AMA

Comments

[ng_moonmoth]

For 3, my pronouns (xe/xyr/xyrs/xyrself) are in my profile. But they/them is appropriate anywhere my gender is not germane to the topic. (Example: "ng_moonmoth said they were going to the supermarket" vs. "ng_moonmoth is upset because there are no gender-neutral restroooms on the convention floor, and xe is uncomfortable enough in "men's" or "women's" room that xe goes up to xyr room instead.")

The thing I'd most appreciate for 25 is something you may well do already, which is to not presume my or anyone else's gender identity based on anything other that what they say it is. Also, someone displaying their pronouns is likely OK with your noting that, but, absent better gender-signaling presentation options, if you'd leave it at that and let them decide how much they wanted to say about their gender identity.

I personally go somewhat further in not presuming someone's gender, by using "they" for any person whose gender identity I do not know. This is my way of mitigating the gender stereotyping that all too often gets dragged along with the description. Even if someone looks like they have an estrogen-influenced body type, and is wearing woman-normative clothes, marking them as a woman and evaluating them by whatever behavior standards one associates with that marking strikes me as often inaccurate, sometimes unfair, and occasionally outright insensitive or abusive. So I don't do it or bring it into conversations unnecessarily.

Regarding 26, I continue to notice how much more open and energetic and approachable I am when I am not laboring under the burden of gender pretense. Apparently being authentic about who I am shows.

[aome]

Would you tell me how to pronounce your pronouns? :)

[ng_moonmoth]

That's the trickiest aspect. They work well in print for me, because "x" and "y" are the canonical letters used to represent unknowns in many mathematical contexts. But looking at how an initial "x" is pronounced in languages that use it gets to "z", which makes it sound like the "ze/zer/zers/zerself" family, and "sh" or "h", which confuses it with the normative pronouns.

The one I'm working with is the proper sound one hears for the Greek "chi" or the German "ch": a sound that isn't quite "kh", but starts with a softer sound than "k". Interestingly, that is the sound that the International Phonetic Alphabet represents as "x". So it would fit nicely. Continuing the IPA theme, I'm working using "eh" -- as found in many languages that haven't had the vowel shift English has for their "e" symbol. So, sort of "kheh"/"kheer"/"kheers"/"kheerself", with the appropriate adjustment to the "kh" part.

Someone else I talked with about this mentioned "zh" as a possible sound for the "x". It's certainly easier to say, so it might carry the day for me.

But, as I described elsewhere, unless my gender is actually germane to what's being discussed, "them"/"their"/"theirs"/"thenmself" avoids bringing in somewhere it doesn't really belong, and therefore suits me fine.

[aome]

Thank you!