Self-Knowledge Question #3: Changes

[ng_moonmoth]

Initial post on what I'm doing here.

3. If you could change just 1 thing about your life, what would you change?

I would no longer suppress my true identity in favor of dealing with whatever friction living all the time as myself would generate.

Comments

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

That's a good idea.

Being myself has cost me some serious stuff over the years. But I like myself for it ... and that's not something most people can say these days.

Re: Yes ...

[ng_moonmoth]

>> Being myself has cost me some serious stuff over the years. <<

Any thoughts on how it compares with what not being yourself would have cost you? That's what I'm looking at right now. My understanding of what not being myself has cost me is improving, and that keeps closing in on what I've gained by suppressing myself.

This is also starting to become apparent in my relationship with spouse. At least some of the time, not being myself appears to me to be more of a threat to our relationship than being myself would be.

I'm expecting that fraction to grow, and that will prompt a change. But being aware that not being myself is a threat, and helping spouse understand that, looks like a way forward to me.

>> But I like myself for it ... and that's not something most people can say these days. <<

I don't hate myself for suppressing my identity. I went along with it, for what I described in a comment elsewhere as the sake of what stature and agency it gave me. And I seem to have managed without losing my soul in the process -- just stuffing it in a box and hiding it behind a facade for a long time. The box is open now, and the facade is crumbling. And I believe I will be much the better for that.

[alatefeline]

<3 Well said.

[redsixwing]

This has made fireworks happen in my brain.

It seems like you're taking steps toward emergence?

[ng_moonmoth]

My ongoing process of emergence continues. My understanding of my identity continues to develop. As it does, I get greater insight into what is important to me, and how to express it. There are things I do now that I wasn't comfortable doing last year, or a few years ago.

I am not coming out -- I am going out. My Land of Out keeps expanding. And I can now envision the possibility of the entire world being the Land of Out.