Please! Nothing at all to be that sorry for -- let alone (even metaphorically) physically punishing yourself for. Much better for both of us to simply apologize and move on.
Not only that, but your misunderstanding is quite commonplace. Trying to figure out someone's relationship with gender is tricky when that relationship doesn't match up with the ones you're used to -- and prone to error, because you're operating only on what you see and trying to locate something in your personal framework, and it aligns poorly, if at all, with that framework.
You're already well ahead of the game by having decided to use your son's transition as motivation to become more gender-aware. Which means you're moving in the direction of having an informed conversation with someone who doesn't fit gender stereotypes, and allowing them to tell you what it is rather than guessing. And that's what really matters for folks like me. Hoping you continue to improve your understanding.
Re: This took a while for me to write
Not only that, but your misunderstanding is quite commonplace. Trying to figure out someone's relationship with gender is tricky when that relationship doesn't match up with the ones you're used to -- and prone to error, because you're operating only on what you see and trying to locate something in your personal framework, and it aligns poorly, if at all, with that framework.
You're already well ahead of the game by having decided to use your son's transition as motivation to become more gender-aware. Which means you're moving in the direction of having an informed conversation with someone who doesn't fit gender stereotypes, and allowing them to tell you what it is rather than guessing. And that's what really matters for folks like me. Hoping you continue to improve your understanding.