Gender identity: being and pretending
Dec. 11th, 2018 05:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ng_moonmothThis is my continuation to a comment thread on a recent poem by ysabetwordsmith. I'm putting it over here because I don't want to talk about some of these things without providing content warnings.
>> Being a gender is peaceful and comfortable. <<
Except that it often isn't. For instance, far too many experiences of trans women I know, and accounts of experiences of other trans women that I have read, underscore how much they feel that they are literally taking their life into their hands if they seek romantic or intimate experiences consistent with their gender identity and sexuality -- and have to confront the emotional cost of outing themselves if they want to tell a potential partner before things get too hot. Far too many trans women each year are killed, often violently, in that exact scenario. And trans men have their own problems with partners' expectations. Being the gender they are is not peaceful, and it sure as heck isn't comfortable. And it's even harder on trans folk who don't/can't "pass".
Heck, lots of cis people have had experiences that cause them to feel the same way. And way too many people, cis and trans, who remain ignorant of this until something bad happens.
>> Pretending to be a gender is hard work at best, and soul-destroying at worst. <<
Not only that, but there's a whole other dimension of hurt that originates from one's efforts to express one's own gender being perceived as pretending. (Gender essentialism again.) Recent scientific research confirms that trans people being unrecognized, excluded, or physically attacked for expressions normative to their gender identity is a primary factor in their suicide rate being at least an order of magnitude higher than that of cis people.
>> Even if it's a gender you enjoy playing, you have to do a bunch of stuff very differently than normal -- although apparently some people do find crossdressing to be relaxing, so go figure. <<
"Crossdressing" is a tricky term. As far as I can tell, it is most commonly understood as "wearing clothing normative to a gender not one's own." But, under that definition, trans people, whose gender identity does not match their episiogender, are crossdressing whenever they are wearing episionormative clothing, even though they don't appear to be crossdressing to those who are not aware of their gender identity. This is a consequence of gender essentialism.
A definition of "crossdressing" that would be better aligned with that customary use would be "wearing non-episionormative clothing." And, as you have said, there absolutely are people who find wearing non-episionormative clothing relaxing. Quite a few of them are cisgender, and fewer than one would expect are fetishists.
Even so, an example I like better comes from cosplay. Crossplay -- episiocontrary cosplay -- is a form that is recognized to the point where information on how to do it well is readily available in cosplay-friendly cultures, such as anime and furry conventions. There are a decent number of cisgender crossplayers for whom this is their cosplay identity, and they derive enoyment and emotional satisfaction from their crossplay outings. And, once again, many of them are emphatically cisgender.
From those of the above I've talked with, one of the primary sources of relief is being able to take a break from episionormative expectations that are unrealistic, or not compatible with one's identity. One can be cisgender without meeting all of those expectations.
ysabetwordsmith. I'm putting it over here because I don't want to talk about some of these things without providing content warnings.>> Being a gender is peaceful and comfortable. <<
Except that it often isn't. For instance, far too many experiences of trans women I know, and accounts of experiences of other trans women that I have read, underscore how much they feel that they are literally taking their life into their hands if they seek romantic or intimate experiences consistent with their gender identity and sexuality -- and have to confront the emotional cost of outing themselves if they want to tell a potential partner before things get too hot. Far too many trans women each year are killed, often violently, in that exact scenario. And trans men have their own problems with partners' expectations. Being the gender they are is not peaceful, and it sure as heck isn't comfortable. And it's even harder on trans folk who don't/can't "pass".
Heck, lots of cis people have had experiences that cause them to feel the same way. And way too many people, cis and trans, who remain ignorant of this until something bad happens.
>> Pretending to be a gender is hard work at best, and soul-destroying at worst. <<
Not only that, but there's a whole other dimension of hurt that originates from one's efforts to express one's own gender being perceived as pretending. (Gender essentialism again.) Recent scientific research confirms that trans people being unrecognized, excluded, or physically attacked for expressions normative to their gender identity is a primary factor in their suicide rate being at least an order of magnitude higher than that of cis people.
>> Even if it's a gender you enjoy playing, you have to do a bunch of stuff very differently than normal -- although apparently some people do find crossdressing to be relaxing, so go figure. <<
"Crossdressing" is a tricky term. As far as I can tell, it is most commonly understood as "wearing clothing normative to a gender not one's own." But, under that definition, trans people, whose gender identity does not match their episiogender, are crossdressing whenever they are wearing episionormative clothing, even though they don't appear to be crossdressing to those who are not aware of their gender identity. This is a consequence of gender essentialism.
A definition of "crossdressing" that would be better aligned with that customary use would be "wearing non-episionormative clothing." And, as you have said, there absolutely are people who find wearing non-episionormative clothing relaxing. Quite a few of them are cisgender, and fewer than one would expect are fetishists.
Even so, an example I like better comes from cosplay. Crossplay -- episiocontrary cosplay -- is a form that is recognized to the point where information on how to do it well is readily available in cosplay-friendly cultures, such as anime and furry conventions. There are a decent number of cisgender crossplayers for whom this is their cosplay identity, and they derive enoyment and emotional satisfaction from their crossplay outings. And, once again, many of them are emphatically cisgender.
From those of the above I've talked with, one of the primary sources of relief is being able to take a break from episionormative expectations that are unrealistic, or not compatible with one's identity. One can be cisgender without meeting all of those expectations.
